Knows what it feels like on a daily basis. It doesn't go away, it may ease with time, but it's always there and always will be. After the accident, my mind kept going to that night....did he know what was happening, did he need us, did he feel pain.....things a parent should never have to deal with, feelings I struggled with until a wise person told me "We'll deal with the good things and pass the rest off to god." Some days I just have to do that....I have no choice.
The days after the accident were also somewhat of a blur, going through the emotions, dealing with the things that had to be done. We tried to include his friends in the grieving process that week, and what our son would have wanted. Nothing was traditional, it was the most non-traditional Celebration of Life I had ever witnessed. It brought forth hundreds of people from every aspect of our son's life, in many ways this accident brought to the surface many bad memories for a lot of people in the community and they too were sharing our grief. We were so overwhelmed and thankful for everything everyone did for us. I just wish the reason were different.
I had bad days, the early mornings when he would be going to work, coming upstairs to grab his lunch and head out the door...me saying "Have a good day". The supper hour when he would be pulling in the driveway and coming upstairs to have a shower after a hard day at work...oh how I miss those moments....
The longest I had not seen my son in the 21 years he was on this earth was this past summer when my husband and I were on vacation...to go from that to the realization that I would never physically see him again is earth shattering. Love you always and forever..Love Mom
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